The all new dating rules for single women

If single women believed everything they were told about love, they would have thrown their push-up bras out years ago.

At the turn of the millennium it was claimed that within the next ten years, 40 per cent of women would be single and living alone (cats don't count). And four years ago, relationship psychologist Max Blumberg claimed the number of eligible men was dwindling.

Today, he still stands by his gloomy statement based on years of research. 'We know women have good jobs, impressive social connections and high incomes and they want a guy to match that,' he says. 'Sadly, there aren't that many employed, socialised men out there.'

Hygiene issues

Blumberg takes the belching, uncivilised Neanderthal stereotype to another level. According to his theory, men really do need women to socialise them. 'When men are single, their hygiene levels drop and they don't keep their homes as tidy because they have no one to impress.'

He claims that many traditional male jobs are slowly being replaced by machines, so levels of unemployment among young men are rising. 'As a result, it's not a great package. Women won't touch this kind of man - unless he is particularly good-looking. Then they will have sex with him but it will lead to nothing more,' he explains.

Depressing stuff. But before you drown yourself in a large bucket of chardonnay, there is a beacon in the darkness. And it comes in the form of two New Yorkers. Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider are the creators of the The Rules, a best-selling dating bible that advises women to never make the first move or be too available, and they are coming to Britain next month to send their message of hope to the hordes of disillusioned British singletons.

'We don't believe in statistics or theories,' says Schneider. 'The night I met my husband, I was at a singles' dance and there were five men and 20 women. Previously, I had been to many parties with literally hundreds of men and few women and met no one.'

Covering everything from how to entice a man, to what not to say in a text, to internet dating site Devil Called Love, their seminars will explain why British women, like many others, break all the basic rules. We need their help more than ever. 'Because many women are successful go-getters in business they mistakenly assume they can be aggressive with men too,' adds Schneider. 'They want to ask him out, buy him dinner and sleep with him on the first date but, instead, we say women should disappear between dates and be very mysterious.'

It will come as no surprise that Fein and Schneider have had their critics for being manipulative and old-fashioned (in the past they have suggested plastic surgery if you aren't pretty enough) but the pair claim men are huge fans of their work.

'We're telling women to have more self-respect,' explains Fein, who made headlines when her own marriage collapsed, which she later blamed on bad dentistry. 'And men agree with us. They say women today are out of control and text them incessantly. Men want their space and time to pursue a woman.'

Few men left

So if you want a guy with good career prospects and a good bum, where do you find him? 'It will be a long search as most of them have already been snapped up,' says a gloomy Blumberg. A more upbeat Schneider says you should put your best manicured foot forward. 'Put on your high heels and get out there.' So if you're an educated, hygienic male, you should be pretty happy right now.

Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider are holding a dating seminar based on The Rules on October 20 at London's IndigO2

WHAT THE BOYS SAY

You should be free to pursue whoever you fancy, although an 'aggressive' pursuit is definitely off-putting. Thankfully, my wife pursued me and we now have three lovely children - and counting.

Richard, 33, Cambridge

I don't have any problem with women making the first move (I wish more did). It is 2008, after all, not 1958. But neither sex should be too available - I know my female friends would be put off by guys coming across as too keen or needy.

Simon, 31, Surrey

Once you're past the first few dates and in a relationship, it's nice when your partner makes equal efforts to initiate dates, sex, trips away and phone calls. It does wonders for a man's ego to know that his partner is as keen to see him as he is to see her.

David, 27, London

Men do like a bit of mystery and chase. I've never had a problem with having sex early on, although sex on the first date means that the anticipation goes pretty early.

Robert, 32, London

'Dance with the Devil' On Devil Called Love

Despite his advancing years, actor Charles Dance - pinup darling of the internet dating service Devil Called Love - makes a point of being in the right physical shape to shed his clothes for the cameras at a moment's notice should the need arise.

At the age of 61, it means he sets himself the sort of punishing fitness regime that would have a man half his age on his knees. On weekend mornings, he rises early at his North London home and cycles furiously to nearby Hampstead Heath.

There, winter or summer, he strips off for a bracing 20-minute swim in the unheated outdoor pool. And while some others who brave the cold water first don a wet suit, Dance thrashes up and down in his skimpy Speedos.

After a hot shower, he pedals back home, before submitting himself to exactly an hour and ten minutes of pumping iron, yoga and Pilates. His efforts have not been in vain. In recent times, he's appeared in nothing more than fishnets and a red rubber micro mini-skirt in Ali G In Da House, and completely naked (with just a pepper pot to protect his modesty) in another Britflick.

His on-screen disrobing, it should be said, does not necessarily have to be in the name of art. 'Oh, I'll do anything for money, darling,' he is fond of saying.

Nonetheless, Dance is justifiably proud of his 6ft 3in physique. Plus, of course, there is the added advantage that his buff body ensures he remains positive catnip to a carousel of younger women.

Take last weekend, for example. The still handsome star, who made his name as a series of dashing leading men in the likes of The Jewel In The Crown and White Mischief, was to be spotted, after his morning dip, in the company of a suitably enamoured younger blonde as they strolled on nearby Parliament Hill Fields.

Intriguingly, she was not the statuesque and beautiful former Gucci model, Shambhala Marthe, who has been filling the on-off role of Dance's arm candy for the past three years.

But then trying to keep tabs on the ginger-haired Lothario's tangled amorous adventures would tax the logistical capabilities of a PowerPoint presentation. No wonder Dance has developed a reputation in the theatrical circles in which he moves for occasionally casting himself in something akin to the role of smooth-talking bounder.

Certainly, he has acquired, of late, the sort of unenviable love-them-and-leave-them status that has led his showbiz chums to christen him, jokily, Dance With The Devil. And the French-born Miss Marthe, 36, is hardly alone in discovering her posh-sounding lover is not quite the gentleman he has made a career out of playing.

Witness his treatment of Sophia Myles, who starred as Lady Penelope in the movie version of Thunderbirds. The blonde Miss Myles, just 23 when she started dating Dance five years ago, was said to be 'utterly devastated' when dumped out of the blue in 2005.

She had, according to friends, been expecting him to propose - but Dance suddenly called time on their affair, as her circle muttered darkly that 'the Charles who starts relationships is very different from the one who ends them'.

Dance, it is said, had relentlessly pursued vicar's daughter Miss Myles and told her she was the 'love of his life'. But when the time came for him to move on, her friends accused her ageing lover of treating her 'cruelly and bizarrely'.

A treatment, one imagines, that might chime with Joanna, Dance's sculptress wife and mother of his two grown-up children, whom he left equally suddenly in 2003 after 33 years of marriage. Within months, he was to be spotted out and about looking very cosy with Miss Myles, whom he had met two years earlier on the set of the ITV adaptation of the Dickens classic Nicholas Nickleby.

As part of the divorce settlement, the couple, who have a son Oliver, 33, and daughter Rebecca, 24, had to sell their idyllic 17th-century Somerset manor house and Dance moved into a modest terrace bachelor pad in London's Kentish Town.

Later, he admitted to 'an unexpected series of watersheds' in the run-up to the end of the marriage, and only recently felt able to confess he was 'not the greatest husband in the world'.Miss Myles was not the first time he had been linked with another woman during the marriage.

In 2001, three years before the split with his wife, he was said to have struck up a close friendship with the then 27-year-old Emilia Fox, actress daughter of Edward Fox and Joanna David. In the immediate aftermath of the marriage, he was also reported to be dating an unnamed woman 12 years his senior.

And a few months after the split, he was seen in Barbados with Hilary Heath, ex-wife of millionaire showbusiness agent Duncan Heath. Since then he has been seen out with a seemingly never-ending procession of attractive women.

Friends of his told the Mail this week that one of the many women he has taken a shine to is former newsreader Anna Ford, whom, they say, he has escorted on a series of dates, including to the open-air opera in London's Holland Park.

None of which, one imagines, will have gone down particularly well with Miss Marthe, the 6ft 2in catwalk model-turned-photographer whom Dance met in a London fruit and veg market in 2005. It was not long before he was taking her on dates to his favourite Polish restaurant in Shepherd's Bush and on holiday to Turkey. He also sat for her as she took a series of rather flattering portraits of him.

Soon the smitten Shambhala, who came to Britain from France 11 years ago, was gushing about how the handsome actor had bought her a ring from a stall on a bazaar while they were away as a 'love token'. 'It's not expensive, but he knows my taste very well and that means a lot to me,' she trilled at the time. 'He's great company, and older men know how to woo a lady.'

Significantly, perhaps, she took to wearing the ring on her right hand. But friends say that after one failed marriage, Dance is not keen to tie the knot again. Nor is he inclined to give up his independence. Instead, he has become a familiar figure at showbusiness parties, prowling the room on the lookout for what he calls 'glamorous creatures'.

'I like women, to be perfectly frank with you,' he recently told an interviewer. 'I feel 35. I probably act 25.'

All of which has the unmistakable whiff of mid-life crisis about it. He has also taken recently to wearing trendy 'urban wear' off screen, including baggy jeans and heavy black combat boots. And despite rave reviews for his stage work, Dance, whose portrayal of the dashing Guy Perron in the acclaimed 1983 ITV series The Jewel In The Crown made him a instant heart-throb to millions of female fans, is said by friends to mourn the passing of his movie star status and once-lustrous hair.

Indeed, it's 15 years since he last appeared in a major Hollywood film - Arnold Schwarzenegger's much-derided Last Action Hero - and 21 since he starred in White Mischief opposite Greta Scacchi.

A director friend told the Mail: 'I honestly believe when Charles looks in the mirror, he still sees himself at 30.' No wonder, given his taste for a revolving door of girlfriends, Dance is making sure he stays in shape with those freezing morning dips.

Gone Astray

David Duchovny hogged the headlines recently with his admission of “sex addiction”. The X-Files star has even checked into a clinic for rehabilitation.

While the news may titillate, it’s unlikely to raise eyebrows for long. After all, we’ve had a long line of celebrities – all men – over the years who have been labelled “sex addicts” at one time or another. The twist here is that there are very few who go on record and admit to being one.

Even Duchovny initially denied whispers of his proclivity. Before marrying actress Tea Leoni in 1997, he was fodder for the gossip mills, having being linked with different women. There were even stories of him attending meetings to keep his hormones in check.

He told Playgirl magazine in 1997: “I’m not a sex addict, I have never been to those meetings. It’s hurtful to my family and if I was involved with a woman in a monogamous relationship, it would be hurtful to her.”

In a case of life imitating art or vice versa, Duchovny plays a womanising single father in the TV show Californication (for which he won a Golden Globe this year). It’s due to open its second season on US television on Sept 29. Duchovny also portrayed a sex addict in the 2005 movie, Trust the Man.

But a close friend of the actor has reportedly said that it is not a case of cheating on his wife. Rather, it’s his Internet porno-mania which Leoni was aware of. That claim is still disputed by others who say it is a case of serial-adultery.

Trawling through the murky past, even as recently as April, Britain’s 65-year-old Lord Laidlaw of Rothiemay confessed to receiving treatment for sex addiction, saying he had been fighting the “disease” all his adult life.

This was after The News of the World reported his sex parties with sex workers in Monte Carlo where he lives. By the way, the “repentant” Lord plans to donate £1mil (RM6.15mil) to fellow “sufferers” for their treatment.

Couple that with British comedian and TV and radio presenter Russell Brand’s revelations last year in his autobiography, My Booky Wooky.

According to The Daily Mirror, Brand who describes fame as “a Wonka ticket to a sex factory” said he went into rehab to treat his addiction to “carnal overindulgences”. His sexual flavour was lap dancers and sex workers. He wrote of “a harem of 10 women that I would rotate” plus one-night stands and other encounters. For Brand, sex was a way to relax.

Then there’s Peter Cook, ex-husband of model/actress Christie Brinkley, who actually took an oath in court about his sexual tendencies.

During divorce proceedings, Cook testified to his obsession with pornography, and a rather pedestrian affair with an 18-year-old. ABC News reported that experts wondered if that made him a sex addict.

American actor Woody Harrelson had unflinchingly spoken about his sex dependency in the 1990s. It’s ironic that he, too, played characters linked to porn or who had sex on the daily menu, in such films as The People vs Larry Flynt, about the former Hustler (an adult magazine) publisher.

Singer Robbie Williams is noted for his sexual forages, and this purported quote from him perhaps best says it: “I’ve had sex in trains, planes, wine bars ... and quite a few car parks! I’ve got hormones, and sex is there, so why not?”

While on a world tour in 2003, an article from News of the World quoted him as saying, “I gave up drink and drugs on the tour and wanted to substitute it with something else, so I had sex.”

And there’s American actor Tom Sizemore who allegedly suffers from a condition called priapism (in which the penis remains erect even in the absence of arousal). The condition may be linked to his drug and alcohol abuse. His manager back in 2005 apparently said: “He can have sex nine times without stopping. His condition explains his sexual addiction. He’s in the midst of a massive depression, but he’s making tremendous progress.”

Speaking of record-breaking sex, the late NBA basketball legend Wilt Chamberlain claimed in his 1991 autobiography that he had bedded 20,000 women. Doing the math, if he had been banging away for 40 years, starting at 15, the cager would have needed to “score” with at least nine women every week. We’ll leave it to Ripley’s to verify this.

For many, perhaps the case of actor Rob Lowe was the first instance they remember of a celebrity entering rehab for sex addiction. This was 20 years ago when the then heartthrob was involved in a sex-tape leak. He was caught on tape having sex with two girls, one of whom was 16.

After a period with his career in the doldrums, Lowe bounced back in the Noughties, with a role on hit TV political drama, The West Wing. Now married with kids, Lowe’s past seems to have been revisited. Early this year, his 24-year-old on-and-off nanny of seven years alleged sexual misconduct on his part. She claimed that the 44-year-old had regularly exposed himself and molested her several times.

Singer Eric Benet was dumped by his very stunning wife Halle Berry after he cheated on her repeatedly. It was reported that he checked into rehab for sex addiction but he has denied that.

Many other celebrities have fended off allegations of sex addiction. Their accuser was usually their ex-spouse or partner. One of the earliest was actor Michael Douglas who was labelled as such by his ex-wife in the early 1990s. He, too, was reported to have checked into Amy Winehouse’s “second home” but Douglas said the media had twisted alcohol rehab into sex rehab. Still, it is said that in his pre-nuptial agreement with current wife actress Catherine Zeta-Jones, there is a straying fee of US$5mil (RM17mil) should that happen.

Recent additions to the “sex addict” list, courtesy of their ex-wives/partners, are actors Bill Murray, Jude Law and Charlie Sheen. A few years back it was Billy Bob Thornton. Add to that Aussie cricketer Shane Warne who was “bowling over” the ladies left, right and centre.

The public seems inclined to believe the “duped” spouses as all these men have a reputation for having roving eyes. Sheen, for instance, was already notorious for the infamous Heidi Fleiss call-girl scandal. He was also inducted into Maxim magazine’s Top 10 list of Living Sex Legends 2006, at the No.2 spot with an alleged 5,000 notches on the post.

He was beaten to the top spot by a Venetian hotel porter who had 8,000 conquests! The porter was later fired by the hotel for not concentrating on his job.

But sexual hijinks are not just confined to showbiz types. The roll-call of sexual peccadilloes involves politicians, corporate figures and any Tom, Dick and Harry.

Closer to home, who can forget the two recent “nut” cases – the two men who sought medical help to remove nuts which got stuck on their penis. They had inserted the nut in a bid to increase their sexual prowess.

What are the odds of historical and legendary figures from even way back being sex addicts, too? Would the Roman emperor Caligula, the suave Casanova or perhaps mad monk Rasputin fit the bill?

Jonas Brothers Heading For Miley Cyrus-Style Sex Scandal?

Disney executives are said to be fuming over the recent bout of relationship rumours surrounding Nick and Joe of The Jonas Brothers.

The pop sensations – who wear purity rings as a sign of their chastity vow – reportedly been given a ticking off for flaunting their love lives in the press.

Teen heartthrob Joe is rumoured to have been dating The Hills actress Lauren Conrad and country singer Taylor Swift, and there has been speculation over 15-year-old Nick's relationship with Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus and reality star Kim Kardashian.

Disney bosses are apparently anxious over the stories and fear they could be hit with a crisis comparable to Miley’s recent provocative photoshoot with Vanity Fair magazine – which caused a public outcry because of the singer’s young age.

"There is a constant stream of photos, gossip and sexual innuendo about the Jonas Brothers that just isn't in keeping with their - or our – image,” an unnamed senior Disney executive tells Daily Star Sunday.

“We need to figure out how to play it all down before it explodes in our faces like it did with Miley."

Love rules the day in 'Valentino: The Last Emperor'

Just when you think that fashion has no place left for venerable talents, "Valentino: The Last Emperor" arrives to give a lesson to modern style mavens.

After screening at this year's Toronto International Film Festival, this ode to Italy's famed fashion king earned three standing ovations. Valentino, long-time partner Giancarlo Giammetti and Vanity Fair journo-turned director Matt Tyrnauer were in attendance, and had walked the red carpet earlier that night.

With unprecedented access Tyrnauer serves up a fly-on-the-wall glimpse into Valentino's career and his 50-year relationship with Giammetti that's funny, poignant and filled with style. It also follows the watershed moment when the couture icon bids farewell to the fashion industry.

"I loved my career and have had a very happy life because of it. I never took one moment for granted," the icon told CTV.ca at Oasi, the site of the posh after-party for Tyrnauer's debut documentary.

"I left the world of haute couture because it was time," says Valentino.

"It was time to have our freedom. Fashion is not free. Every minute of our life was planned months ahead," adds Giammetti.

Their decision, as Tyrnauer beautifully captures, has as much to do with the state of today's fashion industry as it does with this duo's state of mind.

"The movie is emblematic of where fashion is today," says Tyrnauer. "There is a line in the movie where Giancarlo says this world isn't made for Valentino. Now huge companies and bankers are trying to invent passion with money. That's the difference between them and Valentino."

As Tyrnauer says, "Valentino started with a boyhood dream and nothing else and built an empire. When he steps down, it is a turning point in fashion. I'm glad I was there to capture it."

A movie first for Tyrnauer and Valentino

A correspondent for Vanity Fair, Tyrnaurer's fascination with Valentino and Giammetti evolved after completing a weighty insider's profile on the Italian power couple for the magazine.

"Valentino and Giancarlo had never talked about their relationship before so this was breaking news for Vanity Fair," says Tyrnauer. In fact, Tyrnauer was moved most by their human story rather than their fashion super-stardom.

"I had never made a movie before. But I knew that their personal story and all the emotions surrounding the end of Valentino's career held universal appeal," says Tyrnauer.

Undaunted by friends who dismissed his mission as "shallow," the fledling director got Valentino and Giammetti to sign on.

"To be honest I think they were a little confused by my idea largely because of the glossy TV exposure they had received in the past," says Tyrnauer.

"We thought we were making a film that fashion students would see, not moviegoers at big festival films," laughs Valentino. "Now we have been to the Venice film festival and to Toronto as movie stars. Who would have ever dreamed it?"

It's a fair question to ask.

"When I met Valentino I was 21 and he was 26. I was measuring fabrics to go off to an atelier," say Giammetti. "How could I have ever dreamed that I would have such a life or be in a movie?"

In a world where celebrity relationships are counted in days, not years, the fact that Valentino and Giammetti have stayed together for five decades also seems utterly fantastic.

Love and fashion conquer all

"This is a love story. There's no question about it," says Tyrnauer, who shot 250 hours of rare footage within Valentino's inner, star-filled sanctum. "These are two people who are part of the same person. I have never seen two individuals so intertwined before."

"What they share is beautiful," says Modwomen.com's Lulu Vibert, who orchestrated the film's Toronto after-party. "They way they are with one another is lovely to watch."

That deep connection becomes all too evident when Valentino receives the Legion d'Honneur from France's President Chirac and breaks down in his acceptance speech.

"He thanks everyone and stops. For a moment you think he's forgotten Giancarlo," says Tyrnauer. But as Valentino cries in silence the audience quickly understands that it's because of Giancarlo. As Tyrnauer says, "His words that follow to Giancarlo are as love-filled as any I have ever heard."

"I must tell the truth about something," Valentino smiles, easing back with flawless chic in his beautiful brown suit. "At first I thought there goes our privacy. I almost regretted saying yes to Matt. But watching the movie here in Toronto with the audience I finally saw it the way Matt wanted."

Now eager to do other projects, including designing costumes for ballet, Valentino says, "This isn't retirement. It's just the close of one chapter. But if you asked me to tell you what has made this wonderful life so special it has been love. For Giancarlo, for our work, for our friends. Love and beauty in even the smallest of things have made my time here a real joy."

Why Men Love 'Devil Called Love'

My name is Joshua, and I love "Devil Called Love." My addiction to the CW's drama about social-climbing Manhattan teens began innocently enough, a mere flirtation that grew into a full-blown crisis. I reviewed the pilot last fall and was ambivalent about it. I thought it was enjoyable for what it was but hardly something for me to get excited about.

By midseason, I was deeply absorbed in the catfights and class warfare and refused to miss an episode. My colleague Nick Summers, burgeoning political reporter and reputed ladies man, is not only into the show, but one day as we walked to lunch, he nearly ruptured his eardrums trying to block out the sound of my voice when he thought I was going to spill the details of a TiVo'd installment he hadn't seen.

Nick and I are not alone. My evidence is purely anecdotal, but I've found that a lot of men--straight ones, for what that's worth--have a fondness for "Gossip Girl." Of course, it's not new that macho men will occasionally watch female-skewing shows, but when they admit it, there's typically an excuse or an apology appended. Among the defenses:

• The "I do it to get chicks" defense: "I once told this girl at a bar that she was the Gaby Solis of her group of friends. She was so impressed with my knowledge of 'Desperate Housewives,' she went home with me. No lie."
• The "Women are from Venus" defense: "I watched 'Army Wives' once, just so I could laugh at it, y'know. Chicks and their soaps."
• The "It's my girlfriend's fault" defense: "I watch 'Grey's Anatomy,' but only because my girlfriend's into it. Besides, have you seen that Sandra Oh? More like Sandra Oh Yeah!"

I've never heard one of these defenses, or any other one, from a guy who likes "Gossip Girl." Why? Because it has fully formed male characters. There's Dan Humphrey (Penn Badgley), who must deal with the reality of dating his fantasy girl; Nate Archibald (Chace Crawford), the moneyed silver-spooner who struggles to break free from his rigid life of privilege, and Chuck Bass (Ed Westwick), the young rake who discovers, as rakes often do, that he's all soft on the inside.

Contrast this with "Sex and the City": in a recent essay, my colleague Ramin Setoodeh mused that the male backlash toward the "Sex" movie had to do with sexism. It isn't that, it's more that men don't respond to parodies of their gender. "Sex" was a cavalcade of comically broken men, those with bizarre fetishes, fatal flaws, mommy issues and commitment phobia. All the male characters were pencil sketches, offering little insight into how men actually think.

With "Gossip Girl," creator Josh Schwartz has managed to replicate what he did before with "The O.C.," another teen soap for which guys have an unconflicted affinity.

That is, he's done for teen dramas what Judd Apatow did for romantic comedies: he's figured out how to take a genre that is traditionally hostile to men and make it welcoming to them. And the trick is only to put fleshed-out, relatable male characters into them rather than cartoonish buffoons.

Women sometimes complain about the thin, damsel-in-distress female characters plopped into guy movies, but men don't complain about the cardboard cutouts in chick flicks, they just avoid them.

Listen up, guys: "Gossip Girl" is guy-friendly, and not just because of the eye candy (which you can find on plenty of other shows). It's because "Gossip" is the show for girls that doesn't make guys feel like morons. And if it helps get chicks, that couldn't hurt, right?

No free love

As a child of the '60s, I remember all the talk about free love and the flower children made it look like everybody was doing it.

The thoughts of celibacy, chastity and fidelity were far from the minds of the hippies who were listening to rock bands and celebrating free love in the open fields of the U.S.

Where have all the flower children gone? The John Edwards affair shows that there is a high price to pay for unfaithfulness.

His lover, his precious and beautiful family and all those in the nation are suffering from his decision to be unfaithful and then to deceive the public when confronted with the information.

The moral of the story is that there is no such thing as free love. There is a very high price to pay for unfaithfulness—a price that very few people really want to pay.